Thursday, November 1, 2012

Step Two: Moving On

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

What action can I take that will help me along in the process of coming to believe? There is a habit I am trying to establish that involves meditation every day with the Earth and Her fertility.  There are things out there that I cannot explain.  There are things that are bigger than anything I could possibly think up.  Using them to my advantage is acknowledging that I am both supremely important and infinitely small.  Something drives us forward, and I want to experience that Something.

What am I doing to work on overcoming any unrealistic expectations I may have about being restored to sanity? Being humble and realistic is key.  My insanity is more than just my addiction, and having that sanity restored is a big order, involving lots of counseling and anti-psychotics.  I won't overcome this just like that, or by myself.

What is my understanding of Step Two? Possibilities.  Nothing I have to understand right at the moment, but I have to accept that there is something that can help me, and cares about my well being.  What this thing is though, I am having a hard time defining.

How has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step? If anything, it has hindered.  I don't believe in a face in the sky that bears down on your sins and will send you to an awful place if you don't believe in him.  That's bullshit.  But unfortunately the Judeo-Christian pantheon fits a little too well in these steps.  They were obviously written by Christians.  But to take an alternative view on such things forces me to think, and hard, about what I believe and what I don't believe.

I have eight days clean today.  Its rough, but I might be able to pull this off.  I'm the Ghost on the Couch.  I am aware.  And now, motivated.

I won't let you fall apart
~C out

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