Thursday, November 8, 2012

Step Three: The God of our Understanding

We  made a decision to turn our lives and our will to the God of our understanding

Does the word "God," or even the concept itself, make me uncomfortable?  What is the source of this discomfort? Immensely uncomfortable.  Most people identify "God" in a Judeo-Christian mindset.  As a Wiccan, I find this distasteful. 

Have I ever believed that God caused horrible things to happen to me or was punishing me?  What were those things? Not God/dess per say, but I do believe in the concept of kharma.  If I was being punished in some way, shape or form it was because of my own doing, not because I was being judged by a Power that I don't share views on.  The law of return is what I believe in, and by stealing, lying and doing anything for my next fix, the only thing I need to answer to is myself.

What is my understanding of a Power greater than myself today? I believe that the soul can be broken down into several layers, all simultaneously existing within and without me.  Past the physical self and the Ego there is a line of unconsciousness that connects us to every living being the further into the unknown we go.  There is a Godself that is closest to the Fractal of Life, or All-That-Is.  This aspect of myself can see life not in a linear sense, but an all encompassing knowledge of what was, what is and what will be, and has a Will to guide me in the best direction for growth and awareness.  All this not just in Recovery, but in all my human experiences.

How is my Higher Power working in my life? By allowing Her to reach down and nudge me on occasion (or swat me with the clue bat), I allow Her to speak and act through me.  I find this presence is the strongest in Twilight State or a deep dream experience.

How do I communicate with my Higher Power? Meditation, listening, speaking less, understanding what makes me Me.

How does my Higher Power communicate with me? Omens mostly.  Sometimes through other people riding on the same fractal I am.  Sometimes by lightning strike Eurika!!  Other times through dreams or animals.  Happenings that are not just coincidences.  These are Magickal Events.

What feelings do I have about my Higher Power? Curiosity of course.  I want to know the exact truth about the nature of the Universe and how I relate to that.  I want to get to know Her better, but in order to do so I need to be calm, grounded and centered.  She makes me feel safe but also lights a fire under my ass to motivate me on occasion.  She knows what I need, not necessarily what I want.

Am I struggling with changing beliefs about the nature of my Higher Power?  Describe.  Putting Her into a 12 step schema took a little bit of thinking on, but I think I have it.  And I could be wrong.  That's okay.

Is my current concept of a Higher Power still working?  How might it need to change? I think I'm onto something here...

I wander around where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed


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