Thursday, September 27, 2012

Step Two: A Power Greater Than Ourselves

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 Do I have problems accepting that there is a Power or Powers greater than myself? There are many forces in the universe that are much stronger that I am right now.  Not a lot of them have clear cut answers either.  I don't have any qualms about admitting that my ego is not all powerful, that there are other things out there greater than my addiction, and greater than myself.

What are some things that are more powerful than I am? gravity, light, cycles, nature, All-That-Is, my addiction...

Can a Power greater than myself help me stay clean?  How? That seems to be the idea, but I can only ponder as to why or how.  Perhaps to personally petition a God/dess sounds ... whiny.

Can a Power greater than I am help me recover? How? My father once told me to toss out the brain in the equation and really listen to your heart as a higher power.  The brain is what gets us into trouble in the first place.  If my heart is filled with determination, I can follow that to the bitter ends: jails, institutions and death (oh my), or I can follow it to the serenity of being sober and clean.  I'm told it gets better, but I have yet to understand that with my own eyes yet.

What evidence do I have that a Higher Power is working in my life? I'm going to meetings, aren't I? My life cycle has landed me in some pretty interesting places, none of which has been very helpful until now.  I can trust that my Power can take me to places that give me hope, determination and will.

 What are the characteristics my Higher Power does NOT have? My selves are exactly where they need to be, including those that are in position of recovery from drugs.  Whatever they don't have, I won't need.

 What are the characteristics my Higher Power have? My HGA/Godself is closer to the center of a monad soul.  It can see the bigger picture than my incarnate/middle self.  If recovery is meant to happen at some point in my life, my Godself, closer to All-That-Is and the Divine, it will put me in positions to access the road of recovery.

I have considered taking on the student role to several virgin gods and goddesses, but nothing seems to fit.  I guess I'll have to remain a little vague in my understanding in order to glean meaningful routines in life.

Everything I touch, I break (I wanna break you down)

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