So I'm a little apprehensive about the next step, but I'm told to worry about it when I get there. The Higher Power bit is definitely going to be a snag. I've struggled to stay clean through Step One with marginal success. Currently handling only days of clean time at any given point is discouraging. Lots of external forces are streamlining my life into two choices: go back to what I'm comfortable with, get back with Alisha and fuck sobriety, or stay with my current love interests and continue trying to stay clean.
It's hard to break the circle, and I'm sure many fellow addicts can relate to that. I'm told over and over again that it gets better, serenity will come and thus happiness with my life. When I still feel strung out and jonesing, it's hard to believe. Elaine has been wonderful, but I still fall off that wagon repeatedly.
Frustrating. BUT: I think I can do this. I'm not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Guilt plagues me, but they don't judge me there.
I can do this.
This alone you're in time for the show, I'm the one that you need, I'm the one that you loathe