Step Two: Coming to Believe

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

BELIEVE IT!!

Do I have any fears about coming to believe?  What are they? I already have a strong connection with All-That-Is.  I refuse to call it God do to the negative stigma most Pagans have against the Judeo-Christian, scripture-fucked, intolerance of variance.  Every meeting is uncomfortable, every prayer or tradition I read and replace the word God for Goddess, just to make it clear that I don't subscribe to a naive pyramid of spiritual scam, directed by power hungry men. There is balance.  No good, no evil, simply shades of gray.

Do I have other barriers that make it difficult for me to believe?  What are they? Not really.  Currently I am using what Alister Crowley calls the HGA (holy guardian angel, or the higher, Godself).  Though I am having a hard time to think of it as more powerful than myself...

What does the phrase, "We came to believe..." mean to me? Gods, that sounds like a last resort to me.  But then again, I'm at the end of my rope and this is a sort of last resort.  Okay, you've got me there, NA...

Have I ever believed in something that has no tangible evidence?  What was that experience like? I say no.  What I believe is often proved again and again by metaphysics and a plethora of other scientific study.  I believe that I can manipulate energy in a more streamlined current on my own.  There is no VISUAL evidence, but even some joe off the street can admit that there is something to it all...

What experiences have other addicts shared about coming to believe? Have I tried any of them for myself? Some transcendent face in the sky that loves you to death but will throw you to Hell if you don't think what He thinks doesn't sound plausible in the slightest.  So this being who made Hell just for people He doesn't like is loving enough to guide us poor, dirty souls towards a clean way to live?  Pass.

In what DO I believe? I believe in cycles.  Everything, even human life, has a birth, life, death and rebirth on a regular basis.  The Divine is imminent, within each of us trying to experience reality in an incarnate state one life at a time.  Does this force care about me? Yes and no... we are a conglomerate of souls who can only guide each other in hopes that we are not just random happenstance.

How has my belief grown since coming to recovery? No growth, just observance without judgement. 

This one is gonna be a toughie...

Wake me up when September ends...
~C