Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Step Five: Moving On

We admitted to the Goddess, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

How has working Step Five increased my humility and self-acceptance?  It's all on the table, and sharing it has proved that yes, it was horrible, but I'm still an alright person, if only a bit damaged.  We're all damaged otherwise we wouldn't be in the Fellowship.  I can see where I am, where I was and where I need to go. 

How has my relationship with a Higher Power changed as a result of working the Fifth Step?  By taking into account what my Godself is telling me, I need to have patience with myself.  Change doesn't always come on suddenly.  She encourages me to change my habits slowly and effectively.

How has my relsationship with my sponsor changed as a result of working the Fifth Step? Elaine has been struggling to understand the extent of my Wiccan roots. She took the initiative and brought me to another recovering addict that was also Pagan.  We got stuck in a ditch and had to get ourselves towed out, so there was lots of time to chat.  I learned a lot, and so did Elaine.  I couldn't have asked for a more dedicated and down to earth sponsor.

How has my view of myself changed as aresult of working this step? The only change in myself is the level of honesty with myself about painful things in my past.  I guard my woes, let them fester into a septic level of emotional weariness.  It's time to let it heal, leave it alone and accept that it is in the past.  It's okay to grieve... to an extent. 

To what extent have I developed love and compassion for myself and others? ehhhhh still working on that one.  I've largely lost faith in humanity and seek to learn from other's mistakes. 

Honesty is key here.  Now all I need to do is relate this honesty to my own faults and know them.  Name them.  Be rid of them.

You say there's beauty in a scar, what a stupid thing you are

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