We admitted to the Goddess, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
How does the exact nature of our wrongs differ from my actions? I don't put in as much as I take in relationships it seems. There is a fundamental lack of communication once I feel that I don't need to earn love anymore. Once a conflict presents itself my first instinct is to run instead of pounding it out. I feel attacked when confronted on my wrongs, real or imagined. The exact nature of the wrongs stems from cowardice.
Why do I need to admit the exact nature of my wrongs and not just the wrongs themselves? They grow from the root of the problem: cowardice and fear. I was taught to fear my father and be strong for my mother. This caused a pattern of fear from older men, judgment and avoidance. The escape hurts others because in isolation I cut everyone off. And it's not fair to them. When Airian had her little meltdown last week I pointed out that it was okay for Matt to drop off the face of the face of the planet for two months, but I can't? Frustrating.
I am very tired of running on a hamster wheel when it comes to interactions with others. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve anymore, and the people around me trying to remind me that I need to trust once in a while get burned in the process. I'm not sure how to proceed from here.
Why are you haunting me?