Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Step Five: Facing Fears

We admitted to ourselves, the Goddess and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

What reservations do I have about working step five? I fear misunderstanding and miscommunication on the matters of my addiction, my Higher Power and my cowardice.  I fear judgment and confusion.  I don't feel entirely understood and I fear losing trust or respect.

Do I have any fears at this point? What are they? I don't want to go to rehab.  I don't want to admit the full extent of my addiction to my family.  I feel like they don't need to know.  I wouldn't lie, but I'm not exactly presenting the information, either. 

What am I doing to work through my fears about doing the fifth step? I'm sucking it up and doing it anyway, no matter how uncomfortable I get.  If I cry, oh well.

How has working the first four steps prepared me to work the fifth step? It has certainly made clear the wrongs I have committed and exactly what I need to do in order to face them. 

Sharing the nastiest parts of myself is terrifying, because it takes a remarkable amount of trust.  I'm pretty sure I can trust Elaine, but its that fear of getting burned again.  Then again, I have nothing to hide anymore, which I suppose is why this is on a public blog.  I am open and honest in my doings and will not willingly tell a lie.  If I speak, it must be true, it must be kind and it must be necessary.

 I know who you are, it wasn't that hard just to figure you out

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