Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Step Five: And to Another Human Being

We admitted to the Goddess, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

What qualities does my listener have that are attractive to me? Elaine has a lot of clean time under her belt and has gone through situations similar to my own.  She'll say she can relate to different parts of my life story, and that feels good.  It's nice to know that someone out there understands the difficulty of dealing with cravings in order to escape the film reel in my head.  Nate also has read through and has stated his empathy in the matter.  Things suck, shit happens and all you can do is get back up and continue, knowing that the roads ahead get easier to traverse, especially with help.

How will his or her possession of these qualities help me make my admissions more effective?  It's easier to confess my wrongs from someone outside of the situation.  Attempting to put it all out on the table is a lot easier if the person can make an unbiased conclusion and can offer better input on it.

Am I willing to trust the person who is to hear my Fifth Step? Both Elaine and Nate are people that I would probably trust with my life (except when Elaine drives.  Then I get a little concerned... :) ).  Trust is not something that comes easily to me, and I tend to run away at the first sign of trouble instead of sticking out and being a better person for the struggle.  My gratitude to them is limitless, for loving me just the way I am, baggage and all.

What do I expect from that person? Unconditional acceptance.  Honesty.  Relatability (is that a word? well it is now).  Life experience.

How will working the Fifth Step help me begin to develop new ways of having relationships? I have been preaching honesty no matter what since my family fell apart, and I try to live up to that ideal with a fierce drive.  Any relationship depends on communication and honesty.  Love is not enough to make a relationship work, as I discovered with Alisha last year.  It's a two way street.

Relationships have always been very hard for me to maintain as far back as I can remember.  I touch the stove and burn my hand.  And like an idiot I try again and, surprise!, it's still hot.  If that's not the definition of insanity, I don't know what is. 


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