We were entirely ready to have the Goddess remove our defects of character
How am I demonstrating my commitment to recovery at this point? I have been throwing myself at service work, putting myself in the center of PI and getting voted onto the panel of local H&I.
By working the first five steps, I have persevered in my recovery. Why is this quality so vital to the sixth step? I've come this far. I can't look back. Everything is on the table at this point, and there is no point in turning in now. Go big or go home.
Am I willing to have all my defects of character removed at this time? If not, why not? I am still apprehensive at this point, but willing? Yes. I may not like all of me, but its a part of me that makes me me. If I am not me ... who am I? I'm not claiming to know myself very well, but there are parts of me I want to know. What if those are the parts that are taken away?
What have I done to show my willingness today? I socialized. I didn't like it, but I tried to show my gratitude and charisma to Nate's mother. She was cool.
Do I accept myself today? What do I like about myself? What has changed since I've been working the steps? Of course I don't accept myself. Why would I be on a plethora of psyche meds if I did? I see a counselor, I take anxiety medication, I don't understand myself and the never ending quest is a source of anguish. I can, however, accept the fact that I don't accept myself the way I am, mostly because I am not done growing. I like my intelligence, my creativity and my ability to lose myself into music like no other. I feel it. I live it. It is me, and sometimes it speaks to me. I guess that makes me crazy. But I like to think it's the genius kind of crazy and not the psychotic kind. Since working the steps I have discovered all sorts of things about myself that I may or may not like, and can relax a little about it. Because just for today, it's okay.
I'm still breathing