We were entirely ready to have the Goddess remove all these defects of character
How am I trying to remove or control my own character defects? What have my attempts resulted in? Forcing myself to close the distance between myself and other people has done nothing but make me want to withdraw even more. My irritation with humanity in general grows the more I try to ignore it.
What is the difference between being entirely ready to have the Goddess remove my defects of character and suppressing them myself? Active an passive forces I suppose. Much like my use of drugs, the more control I attempt to assert, the more slippery and resistant it becomes. To surrender is to let it go and not look back.
How am I increasing my trust in the Goddess of my understanding by working the steps? I have to trust that She will not take something away that I need in order to grow and develop as a person. If I need to have something in my life right now, it will be there for me to learn from. If I am done with it, then She will be rid of it with my permission. I must permit Her to do Her job.
How does my surrender deepen in this step? The harder I grasp the less I have a grip on it. I must let go in order to maintain serenity.
What action can I take that shows that I am entirely ready? I am working on a ritual with another Wiccan in recovery named Camilla. I hope this will help curb any relapses.
All the things she said, running through my head, this is not enough